Cynically Spectral: Opening Myself Up to Auras [And All Other Things Metaphysical]

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Original post written on June 26, 2019.

That afternoon more than seven years ago was all I could think about last night as I finally took the plunge and decided to see if I could read my parents’ auras.

I was so nervous.

In fact, I’ve been anxious about my spiritual abilities from the moment I started to realize I just might have (which, it turns out, I do) them over a decade ago.  I did my utmost to push them away for years using weapons such as doubt, logic, anger, fear, and earthly devices.  All I really succeeded at doing, however, was slowing them down.

That’s why slowly opening myself up to my abilities over the past few months through the comfort of two, brand new tarot decks has been one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever done.  Countering my doubts, disbelief, and earthly darkness has also been extremely challenging; it’s a process in itself.

Then, five days ago, I entered what has been a slowly deepening phase of increased intuition, awareness, and spiritual advancement.  I won’t pretend I haven’t tried to resist it; it’s a habit I’m trying to break, as much as it frightens me to do so.  However, I’ve done my utmost over the past few days to let my newfound willingness persevere.  And, with each day that passes, it’s getting easier.  I’m slowly beginning to trust the goodness of this divine strangeness in a manner similar to how I trust Prabhu (God) himself.

I still remember the first time I knowingly read someone’s aura. 

It was actually an accident, born out of the drowsiness, inattentiveness, and sentiment of pure boredom we commonly experience in the face of a dull, but mandatory, lecture.  I must’ve been seventeen years old at the time; I was on a trip with my Business Professionals of America team from school, and not only was I not much of a believer in myself back then, but I’d also renounced God a year or two before in a fierce twister of teenage angst.

The lecturer was brilliant, but he was droning.  He’d actually managed to hold my interest for at least half of his spiel.  Nevertheless, I was exhausted from travel, stress, overachiever syndrome, my own competitiveness, social stress, and the inner demons which had me unsettled even during that brief era of happiness during my senior year of high school.

My gaze was still on the speaker, but my eyes, distracted by a mind slowly slipping into a state of slumber and subconsciousness, had locked onto the speaker in a rather “spacey” kind of way.  They’d ceased to bother with the human need to blink, and glazed over in the process.

And then, without meaning to, I saw it:

An outline around the speaker I hadn’t noticed before.

I was entranced, and continued to stare at it.  What I saw was something outside his body, more external than his hair and skin… It was a light of sorts…

A subtly crackling, yellowish glow.

I reluctantly drew my eyes away after a while once the outline grew too overpowering for my young, amateur irises.  The rational person in me was quick to deny the experience; I tried to write it off as understandable deception on the behalf of my fatigued eyes and sleepy mind.

That was around the time denying my abilities, and the fact that they could actually exist, was already somewhat getting more [and more] difficult.  Time was in its usual perpetual motion, launching me forward, and my mind was having a harder time fighting off the spiritual forces as I aged and slowly transitioned into adulthood.  It was in this that I finally had to admit to myself that what I’d seen actually may have been more than in a figment of my imagination; it could’ve been tangible.

I know now, years later, that what I saw that day about seven and a half years ago, was extremely real.  I read that speaker’s aura and, just as I kind of did back then [much to my own doubt and dismay], I realize as a more-experienced adult that I did, in fact, read it properly.

Was it the first aura I ever read in my life? I honestly doubt it.  It was just the first one I recognized.  How I concluded what it was back then, at a time when I didn’t even know what auras really were, is beyond me…

But, then again, I suppose that’s kind of the point.

I embarked on the most extensive, secretive research of yellow auras shortly after I returned home from that trip back in 2012.  In what I’d determined to be a separate sequence of events, I’d actually rediscovered my faith in God the day after the unintentional aura reading and the morning our team headed back home.

The verdict is still out on whether the two instances were related, or just close in Earthly proximity…

Extremely close.

I’m starting to realize, however, that even though those two events may not have been directly connected (although I’m pretty sure they were), in that they were not necessarily causes or effects of each other, they did both occur under the same, brief umbrella of light I was experiencing back then during a few days of simple, teenage, senior year bliss.

After this, I tried a few more times over the years to read auras and failed, although I realize now that I wasn’t in the correct mindset during any of those attempts.  On my extensive journey to deny my eerie and spiritually intuitive abilities, one which I hope is coming to a natural conclusion as this new one of “believing” finally commences for me, I found a certain amount of relief in discovering that, technically, all human beings have the abilities I was trying to pretend I didn’t have, and that anyone can read an aura if they tried hard enough.

The explanations are entirely logical.  Whether my dad realizes it or not, as he considers me a rather non-logical and non-scientific person, growing up as his daughter taught me to seek justification for the unknown and inexplicable in science.  Later on, as my abilities continued to blossom against my will [and my many, many fruitless attempts to sabotage it], I was no longer able to find answers or comfort in science…

No matter how hard I tried.

Regardless, back then, science was [almost] sufficient in providing me the explanations I needed. The theory was that all humans have intuitive abilities not because of anything supernatural or psychic, but because our brains are perfectly capable of gathering information and piecing future likelihoods together purely by utilizing our foundations of logic.  It stated that even though we don’t realize it, we know everything we need from the world around us and our own experiences to determine segments of the future.

The reason some people seem to be psychic and others don’t is because our intuition is a segment of the human subconscious; some people are more tapped into that area of their mind than others are based on past life experience.  It’s also worth noting that most folks’ societal training and spiritual beliefs [or lack, thereof] instill doubt in us about our intuitive abilities and, in turn, assist our brains in blocking complete access to our subconscious.

The theory also offered the support for the fact that our dreams at night, born from the depths of our subconscious brain, sometimes tend to be ridden with the type of intuition that applies to what’s going on in our real, corporeal lives.  It also suggested that those who are more tapped into their abilities are such because of evolution; they believe that someday, all of us will have unlocked the human subconsciousness and, in turn, have mastered our intuitive powers.

It’s also said that any seeing human being is physically capable of seeing (in the literal sense) auras with their own, two, mortal eyes.  In fact, by means of focused photo technology, it’s even possible to capture auras in tangible images!  However, as is the case with with intuitive access, aura-reading is easier for folks who already have the [spiritual] evolutionary advantage and/or have [at least somewhat] broken free from the confines of cynicism.

The mind is just as much of a spiritual organ as it is a mental one, and “sight” isn’t always a matter of using one’s human, “physical” eyes.  We all have a metaphysical “sight” of sorts; my strongest is intuition, where I can just know, sense, and feel things without immediate physical proof of them. For example, I’ve been able to read many of the more “mental” auras on people for a long time without actually looking at their body’s outlines (without realizing what I was doing, of course). It was a “feeling” I had about them. Meanwhile, “spiritual” auras have proven to be more difficult and unpredictable.  I can predict who has them pretty easily, but determining the color on intuition alone has proven to be rather…


Reasonable enough, right?  I thought so back then, and I still do…

For the most part.

When I first stumbled across that scientific theory, in the years which followed the aftermath of my first actualized aura-reading, I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to the story than what purely earthly logic could offer.  Of course, my doubt about everything and disbelief in myself triumphed enough that I tried my utmost to live with this explanation of one of the greatest enigmas of our mortal world.

That was only a few years ago on the human calendar; however, in terms of my own, personal progress, it was an eon ago.  Even the person  I was exactly a week ago already feels like a bit of a stranger after the highly intuitive and faith-filled days which followed last Monday.  Indifferent to my foolish attempts to resist its actuality, my spirituality has transcended to higher and wiser levels over the seconds, minutes, days, weeks, months, years, and lifetimes; in fact, it continues to do so.

I know now what I refused to accept back then; the scientific explanation of what we consider “psychic” abilities is valid, but not complete.  What’s missing is the spiritual aspects involved.  It’s true that every human being is technically physically capable of achieving the potential of their intuition and sight.  I won’t deny that.

The thing these scientific theorists left out, however, is the simple fact that this isn’t the case for everyone on the more spiritual level.  Our spirits are here, enduring these terrestrial lives simply because we seek knowledge and growth.  Each lifetime is a lesson, designed such that a spirit is able to achieve [or perhaps even not achieve, if that’s their intention] whatever it is they need to in that specific one so that they can continue to move forward on their path to absolute realization (don’t worry… I’ll leave religious dictations out of this and stick to concepts of general spirituality).

We’re all at varying points in our spiritual journeys [non-human animals included].  Therefore, some spirits are older and further along on our paths, and others are younger and in the early/earlier stages of their journeys.  That means that more learned and/or experienced spirits have had more time to understand and grow into their potential than the more novice ones have and, in turn, are more tuned into their “psychic” abilities during our current human existences.  Neither is better than the other; our purposes for being here simply differ, just like the distance we’ve traveled on our metaphysical journeys thus far.

Allow me to offer a more concrete example.

I practice Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (among other fighting sports).  For those of you who aren’t familiar with the term, it’s a grappling-centric martial art… And, more importantly, a lifelong journey of one’s physical, mental, and emotional self.

That still didn’t/doesn’t change the sense of intimidation and inferiority I felt/feel in the presence of black belts.  This was never a sensation I dealt with in Tae Kwan Doe as a kid, either; that’s because it can take ten years, if not more, to even earn your black belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.  Tae Kwan Doe, although it’s also a lifetime journey in addition to being a martial art, felt far less daunting to me because the journey to reach that level of a first-degree black belt was considerably shorter.  It felt like something I could achieve during one period of my life before moving on to the next one and, with it, into the journey which follows earning your black belt.  Basically, it felt more…


Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu feels like a much longer haul and, scarier yet, it’s said by some long-time students of the art that the real journey doesn’t even begin until you earn your black belt! And, that’s true, I suppose… If the time to earn your black belt sounds lengthy, wait until you hear about the succession system which follows once you’ve achieved it

Yet, that’s the thing.  I have to remind myself not to feel small or threatened in the presence of black belts, or higher ones in general.  They started their journey long before I did, and all of our journeys are unique.  I can’t compare myself to them based on being so far behind them when I was born as a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu practioner so many years after they were.  I actually can’t compare myself to them at all; not only are all martial arts journeys diverse, but all of our more personal physical, mental, and spiritual ones diverge as well.

It’s also worth considering that once Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu students earn their black belts, they’re still nowhere close to done.  They’ve only just entered the next step of their journey as a result of time, practice, endurance, dedication, determination, and experience.

The same concept applies to the spirits behind each living, breathing being on Earth.

I’m only realizing now just how far along I am on my spiritual journey. I’ve already “been around” for a long time and experienced a significant number of lifetimes before this one; that’s why I’ve always felt ancient rather than old.  I have senses, abilities, knowledge, and experiences that are determined to give me a lifetime of intense spirituality and celestial growth…

Whether I like it or not.

And, in realizing that this is not only inevitable, but a beautiful and positive thing [if I allow it to be], I’ve also found that being far along in my metaphysical journey doesn’t mean I’m anywhere close to the end of it.

This lifetime is actually just the beginning of my next phase as a spiritual being.

The toughest part is believing in myself and the things I’m suddenly seeing, feeling, and realizing.  The spiritual instances and musings I’m having right now are steadily increasing and intensifying with each moment of openness on my part; in a show of gratitude for me finally attempting to let everything in and release my spiritual self into the world [as best as I can with all these layers of mistrust of my intuitive abilities], these divine influences are giving me more reasons to trust in them [and, even more importantly, myself] every day.

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I’m finally ready to move forward on my spiritual path instead of restricting myself only to creative, academic, and bodily progress; I’m going to let my guard down, let it all happen, and advance my essence, clairvoyance, and whatever else in the process.

Nothing will simply happen overnight, especially not on an adventure built upon eons of growth and experience.  Regardless, finally permitting myself to attempt reading my parents’ auras, and empowering a sense of self-assurance to melt and prevail over the sticky doubt which usually dominates my insides, was a huge step in the right direction.

In a universe where nothing is ever stagnant, and treading backwards defies the laws of nature themselves, the only thing left to do is leap forward and seize the reigns of my future.

Oh, and by the way, I actually did it. I actually read my parents’ aura, and even my own.

And, this time around, I did it entirely on purpose.

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